Accepting the Answer

The concept of ask and you shall receive is one I once followed loosely; I have witnessed its power and believe in it faithfully.  Like most people, I'd pray for something wonderful to happen, hoping it will fit neatly into the list of wants, begging for it to be all roses and bright sunshiny joy.  It is in my experience:  when we demand an answer, or focus so hard on the outcome, we lose sight of what we initially requested and it seems as though our inquiry fell on deaf ears…again.  Life is the greatest teacher; I continue to learn to ‘expect’, ‘trust’, and ‘accept’.  I expect a response will be provided clearly and at the right moment.  Trust it will be for my highest good.  I may not always like the answer, but I accept it.

Yesterday I posed an array of questions regarding inspiration on elementsofbeautystudio.wordpress.com (another blog I write).  Basically, how and what tools do you use to stir up the creative juices?   Less than two hours later, while scrolling through a spam email folder, I found a letter from a woman who had purchased my self-published book ‘Get A Compass Not A Clock’ from a local bookstore.  V.G. wrote the following:  “Your writing is captivating and transcended me into a quiet and meditative place.  I bought your book and am thinking I’d like to get a couple of more copies for friends and my 26-year-old daughter.”  

"Many blocked people are actually very powerful and creative personalities who have been made to feel guilty about their strengths & gifts." ~Julia Cameron

The first email I read this morning was from a local publication, it stated:  “Unfortunately, the piece is not for us."  For years I carried the belief that to be considered one of the good local writers I had to fit into this social group of authors.  After reading the rejection letter I heard a heartwarming voice tell me, “This was necessary.” 

In this moment, I sit at my keyboard knowing I am paving the path for others to explore their courage and express themselves authentically.  I am proud of my natural talents and of who I am.  I am grateful.  This lesson helped to remove one more writer’s block and reminded me to trust God will lead me to people who I inspire and encourage - and vice versa.  

To answer the questions, "What inspires me?"  You.

“Your writing is captivating and transcended me into a quiet and meditative place.  I bought your book and am thinking I’d like to get a couple of more copies for friends and my 26-year-old daughter.”  -V.G. 

Thank you...

Brave Enough to Walk Away from Drama

They strike at the office.  They seek out the opportunity to do it at family gatherings.  They attack your friends and loved ones without mercy.  They are ‘drama queens’, otherwise known as the ‘pot stirrers’.  Like a contagious virus on the kindergarten playground they spread unwanted, harmful, nasty and sickening things around.  And what a shame...

Drama is commonly created by those who are bored and/or unhappy with their own lives. It’s almost like they feel empowered by distributing untruths and half truths when in reality they are actually belittling themselves in front of an audience.  Sometimes the stories are made up in search of attention and approval. 

Here’s a couple of questions to ponder:  Why would someone intentionally deceive?  Are they insecure or jealous?  Do they feel insignificant?  Do they attack other people because it makes them believe they superior, grander, bigger, more important?  

This morning I wrote to a dear friend, whom I've known most of her life, the following (edited slightly):  “Here’s my advice:  Be who you are, live with no regrets, laugh as often as you can, LOVE every precious moment, and never ever allow someone to bring you down into that negative energy ~ be with those people who lift you spirits.  And simply walk away from the drama.” 

Years ago while sitting at a desk being verbally assaulted by two co-workers, I wrote the following as I cried internally: 

“I will not fight back nor

will I argue with you.

I am not weak.

This is my choice.

I am strong.

I see, respect and love

the person you are.

And forgive you for your actions.”

-Cindy Kochis

Walk away from the drama.  It sounds more difficult than it really is because the fear is of what will they do to me next looms in the dark crevasses of the mind.  It takes courage to say, “Enough!”  If you are the one they must share the gossip with, redirect the conversation to one that is more pleasant and uplifting.  Once they realize you do not want to partake in the drama, they'll stop talking to you about it.  If you are the recipient of the attacks, do your best to live your life the best you can and try, try, try to ignore them.  Be kind to yourself and listen your heart as it gently speaks your truth.  Please don’t be afraid to ask for help and support.  There are countless people who can and WILL help you. 

And when you are willing and able, maybe you can help them.

Peace - It is that Simple.

“Peace - You cannot acquire peace if you are at war.”
–Cindy Kochis

Peace.  Sounds simple, right?  Consider the terminology loosely used in the media, ‘War on Cancer’, ‘War on Hunger’, ‘ At War with (enter a country’s name)”.  

The vast majority of people desire peace at some level.  It may be a conflict with a sibling, disagreement with an organization, at war with the world, or battling something internally.  If there is conflict, you cannot have peace.  It is that simple.

Just a thought to consider today.

“If we ourselves remain angry and then sing world peace, it has little meaning.  First, our individual self must learn peace.  This we practice.  Then we can teach the rest of the world."
-Jenzin Gyatso, 14^th Dalai Lama

Name Change - Key Elements of Life

I am please to announce onegigglingwriter.blogspot is now keyelementsoflife.blogspot.com

.

Over the years I have had various nicknames, usually coinciding with my red hair.  I acquired One Giggling Writer, a good description of me, and it functions as a great penname.  The direction, in regards to this blog, has morphed into something I didn’t expect.  Initially the intent was to write about quirky things that happen in the day-to-day events.  Over time I found myself writing about life and the various things I observed, felt, channeled and always from the heart. 

A while back I was reviewing some of the posts on OneGigglingWriter.blogspot.com and realized the name truly was not fitting for the content.   OneGiggling insinuates humor or comedy, and this blog is more about the elements of life.  For about two months I teeter-tottered on whether or not to revise the title to something more appropriate.  I promised myself I wasn’t going to just slap a new name to the blog and say, “Here ya go.  I hope this works better.”

Two mornings ago, as I lay in bed writing in my journal, Key Elements of Life flowed out of the pen and onto the blank page.  One of my bad habits is to put into motion an impulsive idea; so I waited 24 hours before I considering it and did it impulsively anyways. 

There is a voice that doesn’t use words. 
Listen.
~Rumi

Now the joy is locating passwords for web pages I have not been on in a while and updating as many of the links I’d established over the years.  The next task will be to contact my followers, and fellow bloggers and webmasters so they can update their web sites with the current link.  I feel this is a good change, maybe even a new beginning.  Life is an amazing adventure.

Blessings to all,

Cindy

Love or Retaliate - A Simple Matter of Choice

Ending a relationship is never easy for either person.  Based on perception, memories may filter into your mind like a romantic movie or resemble a horror flick.  The choice is really up to you.  No one else can make you think your thoughts.

"Truly there is no reason why the two of you cannot remain best/close friends; loving each other unconditionally. Love is the best gift you can share with each other." -Cindy Kochis

The greatest gift the two of you can share with each other is unconditional love, respect, support and the ability to honor each other's path.  Be grateful for the time together and move forward without attempting to mar, manipulate, or destroy the person with whom you previously intertwined into your life.  The love and experiences you two shared are not meant to simply fade away. 

No matter the mental pain, no matter the history, no matter the gut-wrenching heartbreak ~ allow the tears to flow freely.  Bless 'em; bless him; bless yourself.  Explore various options in learning how to heal and transform the unloving memories/emotions so you can experience the lessons and let go of the 'stuff' that prevents only the love to remain within your heart.  

Resisting the Forward Motion

If I had a dime for every time I got distracted… ya know, a bowl of ice cream sure does sound good.

Distraction - a powerful tool we use to divert ourSelf from moving forward.  We may do two loads of laundry, wash the dishes, clean the garage, reorganize the pantry, watch television, vacuum the car, scan the internet for hours and any other task to delay us from doing certain things we claim we will do soon.  There is a part of us that knows we should tend to these tasks.  If only we could tap into the creativity energy we use to avoid deadlines, mundane routines, etcetera, and utilize it towards our goals.  Just remembered, I need to add honey to my grocery list. 

It’s not for a lack of commitment nor ambition; there are real reasons why we procrastinate.  Awareness can be the first step in moving us forward in our personal healing and assist in transforming a habit, belief, value that no longer serves our purpose.  If you are curious, take a look at how you are spending your time.  It doesn’t matter whether we intend to write the next best-selling novel, paint the dining room walls, clean the basement, complete creative projects, vacation, pay the bills ~ there is a resistance.  Why?  What is holding us back?  If I were to move the sofa over there and the bookshelf over there…                              

"We flood our minds with words!  They mesmerize and manipulate us, masking the truth even when it’s set down squarely in front of us.  To discover the underlying reality, I’ve learned to listen only to the action.” –Judith M. Knowlton

If you wish to explore the possible root causes, and this is just an idea, write in a notebook or on scrap piece of paper (even a napkin will work).  Just write.  Let the thoughts flow effortlessly through the pen without paying attention to spelling, grammar, punctuation or anything else that’ll prevent you from communicating with Self.  Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of the mind can be helpful.  If you wish, start asking yourSelf questions.  Please be loving and gentle on Self when looking within for answers. 

What is holding me back from doing ____?

What do I believe?  Is it self-nurturing?

Did someone tell me I cannot?  Who?

When did I start feeling this way?  Why?

Am I being loving to myself?

Where am I?

What do I dream of achieving?

If I could do anything, I would ___________.

Define your dreams, goals, soul’s cravings.

Describe your perfect job, business, spouse, lover, friend, home, vacation, (allow this list to evolve…)

It is okay to let the words wander and write about your day, a short story, and about your shift at work.  As with any relationship, when we take the time to communicate and express ourSelf freely, it evolves and transforms into something beautiful.

Shifting Directions

Guiding our desires like a compass, emotions inform us of what feels good and, well, what we’d rather not endure for long periods of time.  We achieve wisdom through personal experience. 

The line “there's no such thing as too much of a good thing” offers a very limited way of thinking and may lead to great boredom.  “Variety is the spice of life” invites more possibilities. 

Perspective is a key element in our expansion.  There will be days when a certain situation encourages one reaction, and on another day the same incident could result in a completely different response.  Remember, there is no right or wrong way, it is what it is, and it is all a matter of discovery.

In recent months, I’ve noticed a shift occurring in our personal beliefs.  Many short and long term relationships, employment, family dynamics, and so forth, are being altered as internal values adjust.  What previously appealed to us no longer brings enjoyment.  The familiar way of thinking, and socially encouraged behaviors we were once taught, no longer resonates with Self.   The desire is intensifying for many to see the fear-based illusions for what they are and explore new realities. 

Yearning for change can, for many, causes a great amount of internal conflict.  A vast majority of self-help books, social media sites, and advice gurus offer the recommendation to just be happy; if you can’t - fake it till it happens.  How can a person be authentic and experience growth if they are forcing themselves to stifle or ignore unwanted feelings?  The buried emotions will come to the surface, so why not deal with them when the moment arises?   It may not be easy…but so worth the effort.  When we deny our emotions, we resist the natural process of healing.  Our heart knows the direction it wishes to travel, just listen.  

A Set of Footsteps

A few years ago, on my way to the job I’d cry driving to and home from, I begged my Divine Companions for help. “Please show me love. Show me that someone actually cares… I would like to experience love.”  Oh, little did I know what the following two plus years would bring.  Careful what you ask for is a slight understatement.  I am grateful.

A question I’m often asked is, “Why would you stay in a job that causes so much heartbreak.”  The reason is simple – intuition affirmed there was an abundance of lessons to be experienced.  Awareness would be brought forth either there or the next place of employment or the next until I embraced Self.  It was my choice on how I followed through with the Shadow work – gracefully or face-plant in the dirt.  I did both. 

"The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently." -Pema Chödrön

I wrote, “I will not fight back not will I argue with you.  I am not weak.  This is my choice.  I am strong.  I see, respect and love the person you are.  And forgive you for your actions.” while three co-workers eagerly attempted to tear ME down with some of the most vicious manipulations.  Weeks, months, a period of time later, I spoke with a dear friend and described how it felt like my tower of Self crashed to the ground in a hopeless pile of rubble; I was broken; wondering how was I going to rebuild?  He smiled, and asked why, since I was provided this opportunity, would I want to use the same bricks and foundation?  Defeated and desiring to curl up in the fetal position, all I could think was, “I don’t wanna start over.”  It took a while to fully grasp his words.

Intuition strengthened.  

Choices made.  

Appreciation of Self evolved. 

“It does not matter what the opinions of the outer world are, but it does matter greatly what is within your feeling.” –Guy W. Ballard

We are experiencing life, perceived only by Self.  Truth is in the eye of the beholder is a profound statement.  The descriptions of love, hate, joy, sadness, wealth, poverty will vary based on emotional interpretations of a person in a particular moment.   Tomorrow the definitions will be altered by an action, event, situation, and so forth.   

"When your mind starts telling you what you have to do to make everything okay, don't buy into what it's telling you. The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that's the only time everything will be okay." -Michael A. Singer

I am grateful for the hardship of the past couple of years.  For me, it confirmed there is no right, there is no wrong, it just is.  Each of us has an important role and purpose.  It reaffirmed the power of our words – especially when the sentence begins with “I am”.  Everything we seek outside of ourselves is available to us – within our heart.  The fear of loneliness, fear of failure, fear of this, fear of that is imagined… it is only an illusion. 

There are choices.  Do you wish to follow the crowd (and their interpretation of how life is supposed to be)?  Do you independently take each footstep on your journey influenced only by Self’s desire?

Shifting Moments

There are a great number of individuals experiencing a shift in their life. A shift in how they feel. A shift in what they believe. A shift in what thoughts we consider true.

Fear is creating a false sense of isolation and uncertainty as relationships, jobs, life situations are changing. Our intuition continues to console us on this journey, while the ego (reinforced by the things we were taught) would have us believe otherwise. Emotions run high one moment, then drag ass the next.

We are in the process of transforming the beliefs at the core of our being from fear, guilt, darkness, lack into that which truly resonates with Self in its purest form ~ love. There is a peaceful solution; we feel it in our hearts. In the manner in which you are most comfortable (prayer, meditation, and so forth) ask for guidance and for this transformation to be gentle, peaceful and loving. Allow yourself to express all the emotions and resist the temptation to bury and ignore what hurts. Focus and explore various ways to experience Self-love, joy, peace, laughter, pride, and curiosity.

When the moment is right, you’ll decide, “I am content in life.” Soon, without realizing it, you’ll ease into claiming, “I love life.” Please understand this process can take as long as you want it too. The decision is yours. No one can say, “In two week, three days, 6 hours and 42 minutes you will have peace of mind.” It would be nice, but the schedule is based on ones desires in a particular moment. It is a choice.

I personally have found it’s difficult to be in a state of fear when I’m too busy giggling and enjoying the moment. A sense of humor has a tremendous impact in keeping the events of the day light and fun.

Revisiting the Bucket

Change provides a wonderful opportunity to explore a new way of being.  As heartbreaking as a change in our relationships can be; there seems to be a large shift taking place.  Whatever the situation, no matter who made the decision, understand life evolves.

When ready, and the decision to move forward is made, it’s time to focus on one’s personal journey.  One avenue is to dig out the Bucket List buried somewhere deep in a night stand, closet or maybe it’s between the sofa cushions.  If lost, then create a new list.  It’ easy to keep promising Self, “This summer I’m going to _____,” and easier not follow through.

Do we avoid these ideas because we are running from something or just running?  Is the internal battle loneliness?  Does the thought of doing something without a companion sends shivers of absolute terror into the core of your being?  If this is familiar, start small.  Do one thing alone and allow the adventure to unfold.  Remember to be gentle with Self, have fun, and follow your adventure.

Clear Mindfulness

What would happen if we changed the common phrases like ‘let it go’ and ‘release it’? What if we no longer tried to 'release' or 'let go' of our past experiences; instead simply allow ourselves to evolve from it. Imagine the inner-strength that could grow (evolve) when we utilize the things reminding us of love & joy, pain & suffering.

A perception to consider - if we ‘release’ or ‘let go’ of IT, then we might forget the journey to where we've been and may repeat the undesired experiences.

Bless the IT with love. If need be, forgive all involved (especially yourSelf). Allow change to happen. Move forward.

Truthfully, I don't want to forget IT, my intent is to evolve and follow the adventure with clear mindfulness.

It's Your Choice

We made the choices that led us to the situation we are in and no one else can take the credit or blame. If we allow another person to make the choices for us, we still made the choice to let someone do it for us. In the moment we take responsibility for our actions (and non-action) and understand that ultimately we can alter any circumstance something deep within changes. A change in Self-perception. It's not just Self-confidence, -empowerment, -appreciation, -value, -love evolving, but the entire perception of Self.

Life is about experiencing emotions – feeling and expressing. Love, hate, joy, sadness, excitement, anger, birth, death and, with a swing of the pendulum, the list continues down the path.

Ask, “What am I learning?” instead of “Why me?” By rewording the question with the intention set for a better understanding, we declare, “There is power in my words, beliefs and thoughts.”

"Live your "I Am" moment wisely." -John of Peniel

Letting go of the sense of inferiority, the false internal persuasion of insignificance and the many other deteriorating emotions towards not just our Self but towards other people, too, we change our perception of Life. It may take years, it make take only a blink of an eye – we can make the choice to allow the beautiful person we truly are to come forth instead of hiding from the Self-created fear.

A Thread to the Rescue

It fascinates me to how, where, when we find motivation to do something that a few minutes ago seemed painfully dreaded. It's not been a secret that I've been blocked - down right stopped - from completing the novel that I've been working on for over 5 years. Actually, we are close to the five and a half mark.

Friends who care about my mental stability are now emailing me links and forwarding encouraging words to help light a fire under my fingertips in hopes they will dance on the keyboard again. "Breathe, damn you, breathe!" I beg the ten lifeless appendages.

By chance, pure luck (or maybe I manifested it), I came across a blog post - http://marjoriemliu.com/blog/you-will-be-rescued/ - that made me say to myself, "There is a thread dangling. Yes. Yes, a heartbeat." Realistically I don't expect to finish the novel in a month (oh, wouldn't that be nice!), but just enough inspiration to lift the lid on my laptop and find the lonely file that I've avoided for so long.

"Often, though, you just have to wait for a quiet moment when some odd sensation slips back into you — a little thread, a tiny beat, the edge of something that you can hold on to." -Marjorie M. Liu

A week ago in a conversation with a good friend, about the power of our words, he was quick to remind me of how I talk of my novel. Blocked. Blocked. Wordless heap of nothingness. He said, "Stop talking about it. Stop thinking about it. Every time you say anything about the novel it's always about how you have nothing to write. Simply walk way from it and let it grow on it's own." His words made me realized that I was smothering the story like a mother-in-law inspecting their grown child's house - searching out every flaw until her presence was known that she didn't approve of his spouse's housework. Oh my...

For the past week, I have not thought about, shared any details, or even looked at the laptop begging for forgiveness. I simply stepped away as suggested...until twenty minutes ago. I may have found the thread I was looking for and it was here all this time.

"Leap and the net will appear." -Julia Cameron

Words Combined with Action

There is power in your words.

There is power in your actions.

Combined with perception, we set forth the intention (knowingly and unknowingly) casting Love and harm onto All.

Our internal strength is a mighty force that influences not just one person, but All.

It is our freewill to utilize words and actions to bring forth our experience... and interpret another's intentions.

~Pearl of Wisdom written by Cindy Kochis

Creating Synchronicity

As I sat and listened to a farmer explain how he received the items he needed to build several greenhouses, I was in awe. He simply stated, “Lord, I need ___ so I can ___” and usually within a few weeks the items came to him through various means. For example, a man at an auction thought, “Ya know, I think so-and-so could use these.” He raised his hand and bid $5 on the item to purchase for his friend. After arriving at his friend's farm, he is welcomed with, “Ya know, I was just wondering where I was going to acquire ____.”

Intuition and manifestations intertwine our journey and we create by intention and vision. It's when we notice the synchronicities life appears to be more magical. Our thoughts, our words, are very powerful. Be careful what you wish for, is more than a silly cliche.

“Observe the synchronistic events unfolding around you and marvel in the knowledge that you are consciously creating you life experience.” -Lee Simmons

What manifestations have you noticed lately? Create a list of situations you're aware of and watch how life has changed in (un)expected directions. Our journeys were never meant to be stagnate. Like a river current, our desires and dreams move us to new experiences. It's when we stop the flow, or attempt to manipulate it, we form blocks. The resistance can only build up for so long, until the pressure becomes too much and the flow pushes open the release valve.

Curious to see what you can create? Sit and listen to your heart. If you wish, simply state, “I would like ___ so I can ____” with as many details you can think of and envision possessing it. Be patient. Allow it to come freely without demands or deadlines. Watch for the magic of synchronicity.

Words Versus Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

In August of 2009, this blog started off as a public means for me to track the novel I've been writing. The idea was that if I told you about my progress, I would quit loosing ambition to follow through. I'm afraid to open the computer file and see when the last time I added to the content of the story, but I'm sure it's somewhere around a year. There's a printed rough draft that lays dormant on my desktop having a love affair with the wood-grain Formica. For some reason, I get the feeling the romance is over and I need to do something with the novel. And soon.

‎"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." —Tom Clancy

As my attention shifted, the words filling the text box evolved into observations; you know, things in life I was witnessing. Tossing in my two cents, I began writing from the heart on ways to empower, encourage and remind readers of the importance of Self-love. Isn't that was life is about – falling in love with Self. The blog took me on a journey that led me to self-publishing Get A Compass Not A Clock full quotes and pearls of wisdom I'd mainly wrote here.

‎"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Now, things are shifting again. Not sure which direction I'm traveling but I'm up for the adventure. Thoughts of my novel poke and prod me into either finishing the work of art I've started or begin yet another and let go of the practice run. As Stephen King clearly states in his book, On Writing, “Learn to kill your babies.”

‎"Whatever we focus on expands. We focus so much on what's wrong in our lives; shouldn't we focus more on what's right?" -Marianne Williamson

There are so many beliefs, concepts... oh hell, things... that we feel we must hang onto, fix or reevaluate till we get it (what we consider) right. Writing is a passion of mine; always has been. I get such a natural 'high' from it. I can travel the world, even visit different realms and never disturb my Siberian husky sleeping on the floor right next to the casters on my office chair. When I was a kid, I'd take my mother's typewriter to the basement, use a sheet or two of her carbon paper (yes, I know what you're going to say) that I swiped from her desk and wrote my own version of a newspaper. Of course I got the best satisfaction from making my younger (you're welcome, Sis) sister purchase a copy for a nickle or whatever spare change we could find around the house.

”Words hang like wash on the line, blowing in the winds of the mind.” -Rameshwar Das

Sitting here contemplating my next paragraph, the Monkey Mind is begging me to make chocolate chip cookie dough. Not to bake cookies. Oh no... To eat the raw dough. I've conquered the house-cleaning-procrastination gremlins that go around tossing tissues on the floor and spilling houseplants onto the floor till I start cleaning. Ignoring them has gotten easier, however the cookie dough bunnies might be a different story.

‎"Choosing To Be A Victim Of Your Circumstances And Re - Living In The Shadow Of The Pain That Holds You Bonded In The Darkness , As Some Wear It Like A Badge . Yes It Happened But You " Survived " Move Past It." -Donna Genovese

Life Adjustments

Life is unpredictable, to say the least. It's an adventure. At various points it feels as though you're on top of the world; and other times, no so much.

I'm not the type of person to fluff up the subject of Life-Altering Change with artificial sweetener. When the words, “Oh my God, what am I going to do now?” crossed my lips, I didn't want to hear someone tell me, “You'll get over it,” or “Just think how better your life will be.”

Get over it? Be better? I liked things the way they were. They were comfortable. The routine was predictable. I knew what to expect.

"This is a time of adjustment...
This is not a time to re-focus...
This is not a time of planning...
This is not a time to do anything other than adjusting to your circumstance.

It is okay to rest.
It is okay to sit in silence.
It is okay to contemplate.
It is okay to remain motionless...
It is okay to be just as you are in this moment."
-Cindy Kochis

Change provides challenges, especially when you're broadsided with it. Even if I were to win the lottery, it would bring on a whole series of new stresses. Sounds silly, but when you think of it, ”What do I do?” “Where do I go from here?” “What do I expect from ME (forget about what others think)?”

This is a time of adjustment. Allow your emotions freedom and give yourself the opportunity to feel it to the core. That is when the healing gains momentum. When I'm listening to a friend talk about what they are going through, I listen. It's not for me to know why we have to go through these experiences, understand the “lesson” to be learned or even see the point of it... What I am witnessing is, in some way, life adjustments encourage us to find that same kind of love we feel for others within ourSelf – to feel unconditional love for Self.

At Your Own Pace

Change happens. In most cases, it is unexpected; an auto accident, loss of a job, an illness diagnosis, a spouse reveals a secret...the list goes on.

We all deal with change differently. Loving Self during these times can be a bit trying to say the least. Blame, regret, anger, sadness are some of the first thoughts to run rampant in our minds. In an attempt to find comfort, guidance from friends and family is sought. For some, standing there with the viewpoint of not knowing what to say or do, they offer advice and stir up more painful emotions while Self-image and confidence effortlessly slip away. They say things like, "Get over it." "Good he's gone." "Smile, life could be worse." Or more detrimental, "Buck up and put on your big girl panties." How does this help? How is this nurturing? Show me the love in those statements! You can't find it, because it doesn't exist in those clusters of words.

It's important to feel the emotions swirling uncontrollably in that moment. If you are hurting - feel it, experience it and allow it to be. Know that this is just a moment and by letting the emotions to take their natural course you will heal. Trust that you will heal. And, by golly, experience the situation as an observer. Honestly look at it without hiding, burying, avoiding what is actually happening. Don't try to see the other person's point of view. Don't waste precious time attempt to sort it all out. It is what it is, so be it.

By learning to be the observer, it has been my experience to witness and understand that this situation provided me the golden opportunity to explore ways to strengthen Self; to love Self; define Self-love more clearly.

What makes ME feel happy?
What brings joy to MY day?
What can I do for myself that I wish someone would do for me?

Take the time to feel your emotions freely and without judgment. Be compassionate to the loving person you are and allow this situation to arouse the desire for healing. Only you know what is best for you. Look within, your answers are there. Even if for two minutes, be still - quiet - and listen to your spirit say, "I love you."

You Can Change It.

Careful of your words as they mirror perceptions and beliefs. What is it you are saying when you tell your friends that you'll never meet the man/woman of your dreams, or that you'll never have enough money to go on vacation to Barbados, or when you express your frustrations about having to go to work on Monday? We manifest, bring forth into our reality, situations that we believe are true.

How can you find the man/woman of your dreams if you believe he/she doesn't exist? How will you ever afford a vacation when you believe you don't have enough money? How can you enjoy your job when you believe that it's an inconvenience to your schedule. Seriously, what else would you be doing with your time?

"Until today, you may not have realized that you are totally able, perfectly prepared, fully capable of doing the very thing you have convinced yourself you could not do. Just for today, be devoted to doing just one thing that will help to convince you." -Iyanla Vanzant

By feeling at peace and dipping your big toe in the pool of joy, you can alter your perception of any situation including those that are causing you frustration, uneasiness, disappointment, discomfort and a sense of lack. Don't like how something makes you feel - change it. Yes, it's that simple. Change it.

Let's take work and use it as an example. You have been taught, convinced, that Mondays are to be the most dreaded day of the week. What if your work week started on Friday? Your preconceived notion is that Fridays are the end of the work week and a time of celebration. Will you now dread Fridays and Mondays? What if your work schedule does not maintain regularity? What then? You dread every day? Oh my, honey, this is not a way to be alive.

So how can you change it? Retrain your thoughts - beliefs. If your situation is horrific, change it by exploring other options. Find reasons to enjoy life and the things you do in it. Search for things are are grateful for and make a list. Life is how you perceive it; there's no getting around it.

Careful of Your Thoughts

Perfect day to write about the statement, "Careful what you wish for, you just might get it." According to Doreen Vitrue, a series of one's means to "Monitor your thoughts carefully, and be sure to only think about what you want, not what you don't want. This sequence is a sign that there is a gate of opportunity opening up, and your thoughts are manifesting into form at record speeds."*

Today is 1-11-11. I cannot tell you what my thoughts were at 11:11 this morning as I was in the process of establishing another blog titled Pinky Region Of Michigan. Most likely I was thinking about the different subjects to write. I think. Maybe... Or was I letting the dog outside?

There are times when we get so caught up in making sure we do "IT" right that relaxing and enjoying the moment seems out of reach and we feel as though we are sabotaging our good fortune. The perception matters. How we think of ourSelf and others directs beliefs like a compass. Are you thinking they like you or not? Did you only notice the fun and excitement or did you belief they were leaving you out because you weren't the center of their attention? Oh the ways our minds play tricks on us.

I did an experiment just to see what would happen to my perception. I quit watching television shows that didn't resonate with me or showed situations I didn't want in my life. The news was the first to go. Programs of crime, deceit and marital discord quickly followed. To tell the truth, I feel much better about life. As I moved through this experiment, I started spending less time with people that spoke ill of others, bathed in drama and basically carried an attitude I felt was undesirable. Same result! I feel much better about life.

Life is meant to feel good, be full of joy and bliss. How are your thoughts directing your perceptions?

*Healing with the Angels written by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D., page 160