Resisting the Forward Motion

If I had a dime for every time I got distracted… ya know, a bowl of ice cream sure does sound good.

Distraction - a powerful tool we use to divert ourSelf from moving forward.  We may do two loads of laundry, wash the dishes, clean the garage, reorganize the pantry, watch television, vacuum the car, scan the internet for hours and any other task to delay us from doing certain things we claim we will do soon.  There is a part of us that knows we should tend to these tasks.  If only we could tap into the creativity energy we use to avoid deadlines, mundane routines, etcetera, and utilize it towards our goals.  Just remembered, I need to add honey to my grocery list. 

It’s not for a lack of commitment nor ambition; there are real reasons why we procrastinate.  Awareness can be the first step in moving us forward in our personal healing and assist in transforming a habit, belief, value that no longer serves our purpose.  If you are curious, take a look at how you are spending your time.  It doesn’t matter whether we intend to write the next best-selling novel, paint the dining room walls, clean the basement, complete creative projects, vacation, pay the bills ~ there is a resistance.  Why?  What is holding us back?  If I were to move the sofa over there and the bookshelf over there…                              

"We flood our minds with words!  They mesmerize and manipulate us, masking the truth even when it’s set down squarely in front of us.  To discover the underlying reality, I’ve learned to listen only to the action.” –Judith M. Knowlton

If you wish to explore the possible root causes, and this is just an idea, write in a notebook or on scrap piece of paper (even a napkin will work).  Just write.  Let the thoughts flow effortlessly through the pen without paying attention to spelling, grammar, punctuation or anything else that’ll prevent you from communicating with Self.  Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of the mind can be helpful.  If you wish, start asking yourSelf questions.  Please be loving and gentle on Self when looking within for answers. 

What is holding me back from doing ____?

What do I believe?  Is it self-nurturing?

Did someone tell me I cannot?  Who?

When did I start feeling this way?  Why?

Am I being loving to myself?

Where am I?

What do I dream of achieving?

If I could do anything, I would ___________.

Define your dreams, goals, soul’s cravings.

Describe your perfect job, business, spouse, lover, friend, home, vacation, (allow this list to evolve…)

It is okay to let the words wander and write about your day, a short story, and about your shift at work.  As with any relationship, when we take the time to communicate and express ourSelf freely, it evolves and transforms into something beautiful.

Words Versus Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

In August of 2009, this blog started off as a public means for me to track the novel I've been writing. The idea was that if I told you about my progress, I would quit loosing ambition to follow through. I'm afraid to open the computer file and see when the last time I added to the content of the story, but I'm sure it's somewhere around a year. There's a printed rough draft that lays dormant on my desktop having a love affair with the wood-grain Formica. For some reason, I get the feeling the romance is over and I need to do something with the novel. And soon.

‎"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." —Tom Clancy

As my attention shifted, the words filling the text box evolved into observations; you know, things in life I was witnessing. Tossing in my two cents, I began writing from the heart on ways to empower, encourage and remind readers of the importance of Self-love. Isn't that was life is about – falling in love with Self. The blog took me on a journey that led me to self-publishing Get A Compass Not A Clock full quotes and pearls of wisdom I'd mainly wrote here.

‎"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within." -Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Now, things are shifting again. Not sure which direction I'm traveling but I'm up for the adventure. Thoughts of my novel poke and prod me into either finishing the work of art I've started or begin yet another and let go of the practice run. As Stephen King clearly states in his book, On Writing, “Learn to kill your babies.”

‎"Whatever we focus on expands. We focus so much on what's wrong in our lives; shouldn't we focus more on what's right?" -Marianne Williamson

There are so many beliefs, concepts... oh hell, things... that we feel we must hang onto, fix or reevaluate till we get it (what we consider) right. Writing is a passion of mine; always has been. I get such a natural 'high' from it. I can travel the world, even visit different realms and never disturb my Siberian husky sleeping on the floor right next to the casters on my office chair. When I was a kid, I'd take my mother's typewriter to the basement, use a sheet or two of her carbon paper (yes, I know what you're going to say) that I swiped from her desk and wrote my own version of a newspaper. Of course I got the best satisfaction from making my younger (you're welcome, Sis) sister purchase a copy for a nickle or whatever spare change we could find around the house.

”Words hang like wash on the line, blowing in the winds of the mind.” -Rameshwar Das

Sitting here contemplating my next paragraph, the Monkey Mind is begging me to make chocolate chip cookie dough. Not to bake cookies. Oh no... To eat the raw dough. I've conquered the house-cleaning-procrastination gremlins that go around tossing tissues on the floor and spilling houseplants onto the floor till I start cleaning. Ignoring them has gotten easier, however the cookie dough bunnies might be a different story.

‎"Choosing To Be A Victim Of Your Circumstances And Re - Living In The Shadow Of The Pain That Holds You Bonded In The Darkness , As Some Wear It Like A Badge . Yes It Happened But You " Survived " Move Past It." -Donna Genovese

Shifting Gears

Focus is shifting from the sense that we have to get it all done to how can I relax? Realizing that being overworked, bombarded with deadlines, a to-do list without an ending is no longer a desired way of life; we seek serenity.

Meditation can be used to release the beliefs that no longer fulfill our journey, silence the continuous chatter of the monkey mind, balance energies, access internal wisdom, grounding and align with Self. Like exercise, we know meditation will help us to feel better, be healthier and so forth. Even though the intent is there, it's still resisted. Clocks are watched; and for the Go-Getter's on a constant run, the idea of stopping their busy life for 30-minutes (forget an hour) of meditation is put off for another day. Belief that there isn't enough time delays the action because how could it possibly be productive to stop the forward motion?

On the other side of the pendulum, there are those who try so hard they exert themselves to exhaustion to create a sense of relaxation that when achieved, it's not relaxing at all. Go, go, go, stop. Go, go, go, screeching brakes. This way of life can cause metaphoric whiplash. Ease into the new routine. Do it in baby steps if need be. As a friend told me years ago, "Take your time. This isn't a race. It takes practice. What happens when you slam on the brakes too hard? You smash your forehead on the steering wheel; and who needs the headache?"

Done in niblets, meditation does not require a person to sit in an uncomfortable position with index fingertips pressed against the tips of the thumb forming circular symbols to experience inner peace. Inconspicuous ways people meditate without realizing they are doing it may include:

• Taking a long walk through the woods
• Focusing on and repeating an affirmation
• Sitting in a boat waiting for a fish to bite
• Soaking in a warm bath watching the flame of a candle flicker
• Listening to a favorite song that teleports the senses to a peaceful momory
• Stepping outside from a long day at work and taking in a deep breath of fresh air
• Watching the sun set
• Staring out the kitchen window while washing a sink full of dirty dishes
• Loosing track of time while working on a hobby

Truly there is no right or wrong way to experience serenity; what matters is the intent. It is when focus shifts to developing a healthy relationship between physical and divine Self that true love of Self blossoms naturally.

Please share the ways in which you take time for yourself.

Sit Monkey. Sit.

See, feel, the knowing within the heart center. It is there - waiting patiently. Distraction can be labeled the culprit, but it is only an action. The monkey mind (ego) often time finds other things for us to tend to versus seeking answers, peace, balance, harmony.

Meditation is a common method for quieting the monkey mind so the intuitive voice can be acknowledged. The line, "I don't have the time," is a well-used excuse and one I've used. There's always another load of laundry to throw in the washer, floors needing vacuuming, dishes to be washed, dust bunnies to be rounded up and put outside, a dog wanting to be groomed and heaven forbid if we didn't clip our toe nails! I almost added cleaning the closets but then you'd know I was over dramatizing.

In the silence of our mind, our spirit is able to communicate with Self on many levels. The hesitation or resistance to find our answers through the means of meditation is the ego wishing to control or stifle the situation. Growth cannot happen without light and light comes from love. Believe, or better yet, know that you can do - be - create anything. Become aware of the time spent worrying needlessly and avoidance of personal growth. Change occurred through observation. Nurture the loving being within and the self-imposed barriers will begin to dissolve.

Near the beginning of one of the guided meditation, I wrote, "Feel your thoughts soften as the monkey mind slows down and takes a seat on a comfortable recliner in the back of your mind. He is comfortable. He is silent. This is your time." Meditation can take as long as a deep breath in and the exhale out, or as long as an hour. The choice is up to you.

In the calmness of the mind, the heart center opens to the continuous flow of giving and receiving of love without resistance. Personal healing and the strengthening bond of Self-love permeates to and from your being. Witness the miracles. Open your mind to the powerful energy you already possess. Nothing can stop you from fulfilling your desires. For if you believe, it must be. So it is...

Sign Says Work

When it comes to working on projects, we tend to use delay tactics as an excuse for creative inspiration. Or is it the time away how we conceive brilliant creations? I don't know. Right now I'd rather mow my landscape jungle down to kinda sorta resemble a lawn than edit the novel. Today I can use the excuse of doing it while the cool morning air hasn't been heated to what I consider searing temperatures. I'll refrain and cut the grass tomorrow. Maybe.

In the silence as I drove home last night, it dawned on me what I just told a writer friend was kinda sorta incorrect. I used the phrase “I'm editing” which really isn't accurate. Hackin' and whackin' is more like it. Whole chapters lobbed off the pages. Three of the nicest unnecessary characters I grew fond of will be missed dearly. A chance meeting won't take place... Huh.... A rather large crow (not a raven) just flew past the office window and is now hopping from tree limb to tree limb. Crows seemed to always be around when a dear friend and author wrote and did talks of her trilogy. Must be Elizabeth's way of telling me to quit babbling and get to work.

I Can Only Blame The Redhead

Doggone Time Devouring Vortexes! It makes me wonder how many dinners have been burnt, projects left incomplete with broken record statements like “I’ll do it in a minute” and loved ones feeling a bit unloved. The online vortexes suck me in and there is no one to blame but myself. Darn. Can’t blame the dog on this one, well, unless I can teach my twelve year old Siberian husky to turn on my computer, log on to the internet and open the social media web pages and email. Uh. That gives me an idea. Wonder if I have enough treats for her?

There is so much to do on the internet. One-sided conversations to read from fellow bloggers, posts from friends I haven’t seen in years and co-workers I spoke to yesterday, and answers to the endless list of questions. Since shopping is one of my least favorite things to do, those sites are left to the shopaholic friends.

To be more productive while sitting here working on the next bestselling novel, I need to establish time limits to internet access. Believe it or not, right now as I type this rant I have two computers and they are both turned on. The laptop is where I work (my composing tool) and the desktop is used as the online portal to the world. Sounds rather sad after putting it into words.

The productive side of me says, “Okay, Cynthia, time to get some work done and quit ranting about wasting time.” The Queen of Delay Tactics rooted deep within is attempting to overrule and entice me to hit F5 (internet refresh button) to see what’s new.

I’m going to take a few minute break and then begin to write the post I’d originally planned for today.

Break It Down To Define

My clean house can be accredited to delay tactics. Laundry, vacuumed floors, clean toilets, dust bunnies removed from the ceiling fan, organized shed and the list keeps on going. Embarrassing as it may be, I used to claim to be the Delay Tactic Queen. It’s not really a title I want to hold anymore and have found one much more suited to me ~ Giggling Goddess. I enjoy giggling a lot and occasionally finding myself doing it at things no one else finds funny.

Now that I’ve taken you on a short trip off the subject of delay tactics I suppose I need to refocus. Maybe being out of focus is the root cause, not laziness. Could it be as simple as not having a clear vision on the goal? There is so much I want to do and experience.

Here’s a phrase that helps me get clear and define goals: “Who, What, When, Where & How?” Sounds pretty simple and uncomplicated till you start to understand each component's significance. For fun, decide which goal or project you’d like to tackle first. With pencil in hand, write at the top of a blank sheet of paper your goal. I’ll choose “workshops” since this is a service I’ve recently decided to start offering.

Top of page ~ Workshops

• Who? I will facilitate the workshops
• What kind? Guided Group Meditations
• When? Need to set up a schedule
• Where? At area stores that offer classes of this nature

“How” is the break it down into bite size pieces so you can map it out word. When looking at the initial response, can you further answer the how question?

In the above sample, the Who is pretty much set, right? Not really. Who will attend is a key element that really cannot be left out. This can be broken down more so it’s time to add another word to the formula - “Why.” Below you can see how I started to add more elements.

Workshops

• Who? I will facilitate the workshops
• Who will attend?
• Why will they attend?
• What kind of workshop? Group Guided Meditations
• What is my intent?
• What kind of interaction will there be?
• What’s the time limit I set for individual sharing experience?
• How will I prepare?
• What do I bring with me?
• When? Need to set up schedule
• Who do I call?
• Where? At area stores that offer classes of this nature
• How much? $$

Keep asking the questions until it feels finished. Every time I do this I end up scratching off unwanted desires, drawing arrows to another part of the paper to complete a thought and thinking of one more item to add when I believed I was done. To help seal the goal's fate, I rewrite it on a clean sheet of paper. Hard to have a clear focus when there’s scribbled notes in your field of vision.

Have fun with this project. Be easy on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Heck you may come up with a very unique way that works miracles and you’ll be teaching us your technique.

Friends

Ambition, a good friend of mine, has not been happy with me. I’ve brushed her off for my new friend LazyAss. He’s kinda cute, likes to cuddle on the couch and watch television and eat popcorn with me. We’ll roast the occasional marshmallow in the woodstove. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve been reading a lot instead of washing the dishes and dusting the furniture. I’m sure you’ve met LazyAss. He comes to my house, oh, every so often. But let me tell ya, Ambition isn’t taken his crap no more. She’s been relentlessly trying to motivate me to do some pretty, shall I say, gruesome work. For example, she convinced me it would be a good idea to clean my office a week or so ago.

My paper shredded has had more of a work out than me. There were times I swear I heard it say, “Are ya done yet?” The file cabinets looks way too slender, almost anorexic, to this paperwork collector – the person who creates lists of articles to write, prints creative ideas from the internet with the intend to follow through on another fun project and so forth. I kept copies of everything. Inspirational tidbits I hoped would motivate me in some creative ways that would earn me millions. Oh heck, if I’m gonna daydream, let’s go for the gusto and say it would earn me zillions of billions.

The daunting task of cleaning my home office had been put off for far too long. With Ambition helping me, I parked my butt in my office chair and began going through old files, old notebooks and boxes of paper and stuff. Together, Ambition and I took six grocery bags of paper to recycling, burned at least two to three bags worth in the bonfire pit and a bag took the fateful trip to the landfill. LazyAss gave me permission to wait a week or a month to take the pile of stuff to Goodwill that’s good enough to donate. Ambition wasn’t happy with the idea, but agreed when I promised to clean out the closets.

Well, at least now I can finally see the top of my desk and floor in my office.

Don’t Despair – Celebrate

While I was journaling this morning, this newsflash type of a Ah-ha moment spilled out onto the page in the shape of lines and curves, loops and swishes, and the occasional dot to end a thought. By the time I finished a page and a half of writing I was hearing that personal mantra repeating relentlessly, “careful what you wish for.” It was not meant to cause harm or to assume that I’ve done something wrong, it was the three year old girl inside my mind dancing joyously at the realization that another Ah-ha happened.

Delay tactics are everywhere. Heck, most of the time we don’t have to look outside ourselves to find/create them. For me, I turned mine into what I was attracting. You know, Laws of Attraction. Well, it bit me in the butt… and that’s okay. I’m celebrating the realization.

"What are the lines you nonchalantly say without thinking of the consequences? Referring to the Law of Attraction, what are you attracting to your life?" -Cindy Kochis

I have a mission - a goal. Write a best-selling novel. I used probably every imaginable excuse as to why progress, well, didn’t happen. Here’s part of what I wrote this morning. To remove distractions and time used for other things, my Angels and Guides fulfilled my “attract” request. “I’d write more often if I had the time.” – I have been unemployed for months. “I’d write if I had fewer distractions.” – I don’t have gas money to do the things I used to fill my time with nor do I have the same friendships/relationships that occupied my time. “I’d write more if I wasn’t working all the time.” – Goes back to the seeking job entry I mentioned a few lines above. “I’d write more if I had more time.” – Well, having my day open from 9am to 5pm, you’d think I would have taken advantage of this blessing earlier this year. But, no! I was terrified about the lack of money, in a panic to get a job, feeling too isolated to be creative, begging for the opportunity to talk to someone…

Earlier this month, I let go of my fear regarding money and am trusting that it will be there when I need it. And, the key is, I believe it. I have set my intent to work on my novel everyday (even for 5 minutes). Things are opening for me because I am allowing the flow of creativity to emerge freely.

A Fly’s Morning Lecture.

Messages come to us sometimes in the oddest ways. Even though I’m thankful for the signs/messages, it’s November 10th and I have fly buzzing around me and occasionally landing on my shoulder. Uh, I thought, what are you trying to tell me. Then it dawned on me – ‘Fly on the Wall’. When it comes to finishing my novel, and cannot figure out what letters to peck at on the keyboard, I need to sit back and observe as if I were a ‘Fly on the Wall’. Allow the imagination the freedom to explore the situation from a distance: What’s going on in the room? Who’s in the room? Why are they in the room?

“Standing in the point of view of the character, what would I see?”

Blocks are a great excuse to start working on delay tactics. I know plenty of ways to distract my mind and stop the progression of the storyline. Heck, I’ve been doing it for years (literally). Get stuck on a paragraph, go clean the toilets. Then more inner dialog trickles in: Oh, and look there in the laundry basket, two load of laundry that must get done at this moment. Wait, after I get the dirty clothes in the machine and set the dials, who can walk back past the sink full of dishes just needing to be scrubbed with warm water and lots of bubbles? Of course, leave the warm water in the sink because I might dirty another dish. Ooooo, ice cream sounds good. I’ll see what’s on television while I enjoy this delicious frozen delight of vanilla with caramel and chocolate swirls. Yikes! Now it’s time for bed. “Well,” I’d tell myself out loud, “I’ll write more tomorrow.”


And a special note - in case you were wondering - the fly is no longer in my office with me as I type this last sentence. I believe I understood his morning lecture.

Distractions Are No Excuse ~ So They Say

Okay, I was very busy last week preparing for a guest staying in my house for five days. I know, Dr. Dryer says “No Excuses,” but… but… but… Oh, who am I fooling? Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings were spent writing, editing, deleting and rewriting. I had quality time with a red pen and it was wonderful. The chapter that started with 1373 words, exceeded 2,400 and now rests comfortably saved in a file on my computer at 1,884. To say that I wrote only 511 words this last week would be completely inaccurate, yet precise. Chapter thirty-seven is complete – for now.

Word count as of October 19, 2009: 57,075 words
56,564 + 511 = 57,075