Initial Reaction

It seems I'm back in this blankity-blank spot again. I am bound and determined to climb out of this rut successfully without any bumps, bruises or muddy knees. We all go through periods of time when we wonder what did I do wrong this time?

“Be authentic without apologies. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling at this moment. Re-act to the situation without concern for another's criticism. There is no right way, there is no wrong way ~ embrace being YourTrueSelf.”

The quote above is the edited version of the stewing and percolating thought I woke up with yesterday. It's not that I am unemotional, sometimes I don't feel the need to be emotional. There's a lesson is this; a take-a-look-at-yourself kind of observation needing reviewing. Thoughts of: “Did I offend someone again because I didn't respond to the situation the way they wanted me too?” “Does it really matter if I hurt someone's feelings because they expected me to do it differently?” “Am I allowing me to be, well, me?”

It is such a common dilemma ~ worrying about what other people think of me. “Do I look okay?” “Am I doing the right thing?” “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” Truly, does it really matter? I enjoy being comfortable in my own shoes, walking my own path, but damn I'm getting tired of people (okay, the blame comes back to me) digging ruts and putting up barriers in the way of my journey. Truly, we do attract things into our lives to help us learn more about Self and Self-love, Self-appreciation, Self-awareness...

So ask yourself, Am I being authentic without apologies?

Begin with "I Miss You."

During a two year period we had ten funerals on my mother’s side of the family alone, not including my father-in-law’s, family on my dad’s side of the family, nor any of my friend’s or their children. My grandfather’s death was the first in the series, with my Uncle Bernie's the last. I need to mention here my uncle, during the period, had already lived with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for around four years. If you know anything about this form of cancer, it’s a death sentence. I was (and still am) very close to my Uncle Bernie on many levels. We still have a special bond. As we would get ready to leave the luncheon after services, we’d say to each other, “See ya at the next family reunion.” It was our inside joke and eased the twist of pain from the heart as we said good-bye to another family member.

I found my shower to be my sacred space. With the noise from the radio and pouring water, this little 30” x 30” cubical was the only place I felt I could cry and let go and not be disturbed. I could let down my guard, be vulnerable. For Pete’s sake, how can you not be vulnerable when you’re naked? Standing in my shower with the hot water pounding on my back, forehead pressed against the shower wall supporting me as my arms dangled with streams of water cascading off my fingertips. This was when the emotions flowed. I’d cry, beg God for help and occassionally dance to the song on the radio. I was safe there. Soon I found myself talking to my Uncle Bernie when I was in my sacred space; asking why, how, what the hell? Sometimes I would hear the answers or solutions in my mind. It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was actually channeling him, and he was helping me from the other side.

If you are missing someone that has pasted on, relax your mind, set a focused intent on the loved one and speak from your heart. What I mean by ‘speak from your heart’ is to communicate through unconditional love. Feel the love you have for the person and begin to talk to them, they’re there listening. If you would like a sign, ask for a loving one that you'll understand easily. It might take five minutes, a day, a week or even a month for you to notice it. Trust it will happen and it will. Show your gratitude by simply saying, "thank you." I ask my deceased ex-husband often to show me signs he's taking care of our sons from his vantage point and I always receive them.
Do you have story you would like to share?

Friends

Ambition, a good friend of mine, has not been happy with me. I’ve brushed her off for my new friend LazyAss. He’s kinda cute, likes to cuddle on the couch and watch television and eat popcorn with me. We’ll roast the occasional marshmallow in the woodstove. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve been reading a lot instead of washing the dishes and dusting the furniture. I’m sure you’ve met LazyAss. He comes to my house, oh, every so often. But let me tell ya, Ambition isn’t taken his crap no more. She’s been relentlessly trying to motivate me to do some pretty, shall I say, gruesome work. For example, she convinced me it would be a good idea to clean my office a week or so ago.

My paper shredded has had more of a work out than me. There were times I swear I heard it say, “Are ya done yet?” The file cabinets looks way too slender, almost anorexic, to this paperwork collector – the person who creates lists of articles to write, prints creative ideas from the internet with the intend to follow through on another fun project and so forth. I kept copies of everything. Inspirational tidbits I hoped would motivate me in some creative ways that would earn me millions. Oh heck, if I’m gonna daydream, let’s go for the gusto and say it would earn me zillions of billions.

The daunting task of cleaning my home office had been put off for far too long. With Ambition helping me, I parked my butt in my office chair and began going through old files, old notebooks and boxes of paper and stuff. Together, Ambition and I took six grocery bags of paper to recycling, burned at least two to three bags worth in the bonfire pit and a bag took the fateful trip to the landfill. LazyAss gave me permission to wait a week or a month to take the pile of stuff to Goodwill that’s good enough to donate. Ambition wasn’t happy with the idea, but agreed when I promised to clean out the closets.

Well, at least now I can finally see the top of my desk and floor in my office.

Authenticity is the Key

There is so much change happening all around us; and isn’t it great? I’ve been having some really odd dreams to the point that I wake up thinking, “Huh?” Looking for some kind of message or meaning behind the oddities, I’ve been journaling more than ever before. The trail of bread crumbs leads me to parts of my past that I need to see the lesson and beliefs/habits to let go. Other pieces show me what my gifts are and how they can benefit all of us.

This morning I woke up to my inner voice saying, “Be authentic.” That’s it. That simple. Be authentic. A friend of mine said those words to me a while back and I shoo-shooed it as, ‘yeah, thanks, nice advice.’ However, it came full circle and I understand what she meant. Be the real you. Be the person your heart desires. Be unafraid to speak your inner truth. Be willing to love unconditionally. Live your life joyously. Ignore those who hold you down, tell you your dreams will never come true, and tell you negative and hurtful things to make themselves better (which by the way that never works, they still feel lousy about themselves even after their attempts to dismantle you). You are not the person your teachers in high school said you were. You are not the person your family wanted you to be. You are not the person society wishes to dictate, molding you into their form. You are an individual with a purpose, dreams and an inner knowing. Follow your heart and nothing else.

I wish you love, peace & joy ~

It Is Time To Move

On January 17th, I decided to end a dream. Creative Counsel, Inc. was established as a way for me to explore the adventure of owning my own freelance writing business. I haven’t stopped writing (although you can’t tell that by the lack of entries on this blog). With the shedding of one coat that no longer fit, other layers quickly fell to the floor as well. Relationships, business ventures (yes, plural), and any other stuff I felt no longer served my highest good has been released. This past month has been about letting go and preparing for a rebirth (for a lack of a better word). I am starting over. Mind you, the slate hasn’t been perfectly cleaned off. Some residue remains as reminders of the blessing existing on my journey. Forgiveness has been expressed to Self and others, internal growth overwhelms my peaceful garden within and life is forever changing in magical ways.

Thought For Today

"Don't look to the past for tomorrow's desires..."

Love Yourself Enough

Love yourself enough to say yes,
Love yourself enough to say no,
Love yourself enough to see the situation as it is,
Love yourself enough to say hello,
Love yourself enough to say good-bye,
Love yourself enough to let it go,
Love yourself enough to speak your truth.

It's a Small World

Not wanting to waste any more time attempting to remember how I found or when I first started listening to Diana Dorell’s SoulsJourneyRadio.com online radio show on Tuesday evenings (7PT/10ET), I would like to introduce her to you. Her sweet voice and fun-loving laughter raises the spirits of all of her listeners and offers guidance and messages those whom are tuned into her weekly show.

“I met Cindy through my radio station, SoulsJourney and Facebook whose famous giggle melts away any sorrow or fear. I await her upcoming book which will help many.” – Diana Dorrell

The interesting part of this chance meeting is the fact that while she lives in California and I in Michigan, I feel as though we’ve been friends since childhood. In early December she asked if I would like to submit something for her January e-newsletter. Excitement still dances within. As I checked my email this morning, it was in my inbox. Skimming quickly through her words to find my name, I found my submission and a quick introduction she’d written. Joy bubbled over. Once I read my section twice, and pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, I scrolled back to the top of the page and absorbed her messages for us.


Take this opportunity to meet Diana at www.TheDancingGoddess.com

To read the poem, go to
www.thedancinggoddess.com/free-articles.html

Evolving a Relationship

“To simply begin, maintain and end a relationship is not a matter of starting or stopping it. You are changing the relationship to meet your desires and experience personal growth. Be gentle and honest with Self so you may see the countless blessings.” (Channeled January 3, 2010 during a reading)

Keep Moving Forward

Inspired by the movie Julie/Julia, I started keeping a public log several months ago of the progress I am making in writing the draft of my novel. A way for me stay motivated and somehow accountable. Although this task is a little different from cooking and writing my way through a well-known cookbook, the idea of writing about my book seemed fun and entertaining until ‘the job’. It most certainly was not what I expected, combined with a ‘self embossed’ deadline to complete my first rendition, Creativity vacated this gal. The desire to even pick up my laptop evaded me. Mentally exhausted and churning thoughts turned me into mush. In order to save itself, Creativity went for a long walk. Then, like a knight in shining white armor to save this damsel in distress, the Strength within me said, “Shut up, Monkey-mind.”

“What are your priorities? What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to focus your energies on?”

This past Saturday, sometime around 9:30 or 10am, I opened the file on my computer and completed the chapter I’d been contemplating for over a month. It is one of the most powerful, pivotal chapters in the novel.


Once I put on my rose colored glasses and let go of the issues at work, released the chains of the countdown-to-deadline clock and went about my life, Creativity came back and embraced me.

“When we no longer dwell on the outcome and relax within our Self ~ magic happens.” -Cindy Kochis