Brave Enough to Walk Away from Drama

They strike at the office.  They seek out the opportunity to do it at family gatherings.  They attack your friends and loved ones without mercy.  They are ‘drama queens’, otherwise known as the ‘pot stirrers’.  Like a contagious virus on the kindergarten playground they spread unwanted, harmful, nasty and sickening things around.  And what a shame...

Drama is commonly created by those who are bored and/or unhappy with their own lives. It’s almost like they feel empowered by distributing untruths and half truths when in reality they are actually belittling themselves in front of an audience.  Sometimes the stories are made up in search of attention and approval. 

Here’s a couple of questions to ponder:  Why would someone intentionally deceive?  Are they insecure or jealous?  Do they feel insignificant?  Do they attack other people because it makes them believe they superior, grander, bigger, more important?  

This morning I wrote to a dear friend, whom I've known most of her life, the following (edited slightly):  “Here’s my advice:  Be who you are, live with no regrets, laugh as often as you can, LOVE every precious moment, and never ever allow someone to bring you down into that negative energy ~ be with those people who lift you spirits.  And simply walk away from the drama.” 

Years ago while sitting at a desk being verbally assaulted by two co-workers, I wrote the following as I cried internally: 

“I will not fight back nor

will I argue with you.

I am not weak.

This is my choice.

I am strong.

I see, respect and love

the person you are.

And forgive you for your actions.”

-Cindy Kochis

Walk away from the drama.  It sounds more difficult than it really is because the fear is of what will they do to me next looms in the dark crevasses of the mind.  It takes courage to say, “Enough!”  If you are the one they must share the gossip with, redirect the conversation to one that is more pleasant and uplifting.  Once they realize you do not want to partake in the drama, they'll stop talking to you about it.  If you are the recipient of the attacks, do your best to live your life the best you can and try, try, try to ignore them.  Be kind to yourself and listen your heart as it gently speaks your truth.  Please don’t be afraid to ask for help and support.  There are countless people who can and WILL help you. 

And when you are willing and able, maybe you can help them.

Peace - It is that Simple.

“Peace - You cannot acquire peace if you are at war.”
–Cindy Kochis

Peace.  Sounds simple, right?  Consider the terminology loosely used in the media, ‘War on Cancer’, ‘War on Hunger’, ‘ At War with (enter a country’s name)”.  

The vast majority of people desire peace at some level.  It may be a conflict with a sibling, disagreement with an organization, at war with the world, or battling something internally.  If there is conflict, you cannot have peace.  It is that simple.

Just a thought to consider today.

“If we ourselves remain angry and then sing world peace, it has little meaning.  First, our individual self must learn peace.  This we practice.  Then we can teach the rest of the world."
-Jenzin Gyatso, 14^th Dalai Lama

Name Change - Key Elements of Life

I am please to announce onegigglingwriter.blogspot is now keyelementsoflife.blogspot.com

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Over the years I have had various nicknames, usually coinciding with my red hair.  I acquired One Giggling Writer, a good description of me, and it functions as a great penname.  The direction, in regards to this blog, has morphed into something I didn’t expect.  Initially the intent was to write about quirky things that happen in the day-to-day events.  Over time I found myself writing about life and the various things I observed, felt, channeled and always from the heart. 

A while back I was reviewing some of the posts on OneGigglingWriter.blogspot.com and realized the name truly was not fitting for the content.   OneGiggling insinuates humor or comedy, and this blog is more about the elements of life.  For about two months I teeter-tottered on whether or not to revise the title to something more appropriate.  I promised myself I wasn’t going to just slap a new name to the blog and say, “Here ya go.  I hope this works better.”

Two mornings ago, as I lay in bed writing in my journal, Key Elements of Life flowed out of the pen and onto the blank page.  One of my bad habits is to put into motion an impulsive idea; so I waited 24 hours before I considering it and did it impulsively anyways. 

There is a voice that doesn’t use words. 
Listen.
~Rumi

Now the joy is locating passwords for web pages I have not been on in a while and updating as many of the links I’d established over the years.  The next task will be to contact my followers, and fellow bloggers and webmasters so they can update their web sites with the current link.  I feel this is a good change, maybe even a new beginning.  Life is an amazing adventure.

Blessings to all,

Cindy

Love or Retaliate - A Simple Matter of Choice

Ending a relationship is never easy for either person.  Based on perception, memories may filter into your mind like a romantic movie or resemble a horror flick.  The choice is really up to you.  No one else can make you think your thoughts.

"Truly there is no reason why the two of you cannot remain best/close friends; loving each other unconditionally. Love is the best gift you can share with each other." -Cindy Kochis

The greatest gift the two of you can share with each other is unconditional love, respect, support and the ability to honor each other's path.  Be grateful for the time together and move forward without attempting to mar, manipulate, or destroy the person with whom you previously intertwined into your life.  The love and experiences you two shared are not meant to simply fade away. 

No matter the mental pain, no matter the history, no matter the gut-wrenching heartbreak ~ allow the tears to flow freely.  Bless 'em; bless him; bless yourself.  Explore various options in learning how to heal and transform the unloving memories/emotions so you can experience the lessons and let go of the 'stuff' that prevents only the love to remain within your heart.  

Resisting the Forward Motion

If I had a dime for every time I got distracted… ya know, a bowl of ice cream sure does sound good.

Distraction - a powerful tool we use to divert ourSelf from moving forward.  We may do two loads of laundry, wash the dishes, clean the garage, reorganize the pantry, watch television, vacuum the car, scan the internet for hours and any other task to delay us from doing certain things we claim we will do soon.  There is a part of us that knows we should tend to these tasks.  If only we could tap into the creativity energy we use to avoid deadlines, mundane routines, etcetera, and utilize it towards our goals.  Just remembered, I need to add honey to my grocery list. 

It’s not for a lack of commitment nor ambition; there are real reasons why we procrastinate.  Awareness can be the first step in moving us forward in our personal healing and assist in transforming a habit, belief, value that no longer serves our purpose.  If you are curious, take a look at how you are spending your time.  It doesn’t matter whether we intend to write the next best-selling novel, paint the dining room walls, clean the basement, complete creative projects, vacation, pay the bills ~ there is a resistance.  Why?  What is holding us back?  If I were to move the sofa over there and the bookshelf over there…                              

"We flood our minds with words!  They mesmerize and manipulate us, masking the truth even when it’s set down squarely in front of us.  To discover the underlying reality, I’ve learned to listen only to the action.” –Judith M. Knowlton

If you wish to explore the possible root causes, and this is just an idea, write in a notebook or on scrap piece of paper (even a napkin will work).  Just write.  Let the thoughts flow effortlessly through the pen without paying attention to spelling, grammar, punctuation or anything else that’ll prevent you from communicating with Self.  Sometimes just getting the thoughts out of the mind can be helpful.  If you wish, start asking yourSelf questions.  Please be loving and gentle on Self when looking within for answers. 

What is holding me back from doing ____?

What do I believe?  Is it self-nurturing?

Did someone tell me I cannot?  Who?

When did I start feeling this way?  Why?

Am I being loving to myself?

Where am I?

What do I dream of achieving?

If I could do anything, I would ___________.

Define your dreams, goals, soul’s cravings.

Describe your perfect job, business, spouse, lover, friend, home, vacation, (allow this list to evolve…)

It is okay to let the words wander and write about your day, a short story, and about your shift at work.  As with any relationship, when we take the time to communicate and express ourSelf freely, it evolves and transforms into something beautiful.

Shifting Directions

Guiding our desires like a compass, emotions inform us of what feels good and, well, what we’d rather not endure for long periods of time.  We achieve wisdom through personal experience. 

The line “there's no such thing as too much of a good thing” offers a very limited way of thinking and may lead to great boredom.  “Variety is the spice of life” invites more possibilities. 

Perspective is a key element in our expansion.  There will be days when a certain situation encourages one reaction, and on another day the same incident could result in a completely different response.  Remember, there is no right or wrong way, it is what it is, and it is all a matter of discovery.

In recent months, I’ve noticed a shift occurring in our personal beliefs.  Many short and long term relationships, employment, family dynamics, and so forth, are being altered as internal values adjust.  What previously appealed to us no longer brings enjoyment.  The familiar way of thinking, and socially encouraged behaviors we were once taught, no longer resonates with Self.   The desire is intensifying for many to see the fear-based illusions for what they are and explore new realities. 

Yearning for change can, for many, causes a great amount of internal conflict.  A vast majority of self-help books, social media sites, and advice gurus offer the recommendation to just be happy; if you can’t - fake it till it happens.  How can a person be authentic and experience growth if they are forcing themselves to stifle or ignore unwanted feelings?  The buried emotions will come to the surface, so why not deal with them when the moment arises?   It may not be easy…but so worth the effort.  When we deny our emotions, we resist the natural process of healing.  Our heart knows the direction it wishes to travel, just listen.  

A Set of Footsteps

A few years ago, on my way to the job I’d cry driving to and home from, I begged my Divine Companions for help. “Please show me love. Show me that someone actually cares… I would like to experience love.”  Oh, little did I know what the following two plus years would bring.  Careful what you ask for is a slight understatement.  I am grateful.

A question I’m often asked is, “Why would you stay in a job that causes so much heartbreak.”  The reason is simple – intuition affirmed there was an abundance of lessons to be experienced.  Awareness would be brought forth either there or the next place of employment or the next until I embraced Self.  It was my choice on how I followed through with the Shadow work – gracefully or face-plant in the dirt.  I did both. 

"The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently." -Pema Chödrön

I wrote, “I will not fight back not will I argue with you.  I am not weak.  This is my choice.  I am strong.  I see, respect and love the person you are.  And forgive you for your actions.” while three co-workers eagerly attempted to tear ME down with some of the most vicious manipulations.  Weeks, months, a period of time later, I spoke with a dear friend and described how it felt like my tower of Self crashed to the ground in a hopeless pile of rubble; I was broken; wondering how was I going to rebuild?  He smiled, and asked why, since I was provided this opportunity, would I want to use the same bricks and foundation?  Defeated and desiring to curl up in the fetal position, all I could think was, “I don’t wanna start over.”  It took a while to fully grasp his words.

Intuition strengthened.  

Choices made.  

Appreciation of Self evolved. 

“It does not matter what the opinions of the outer world are, but it does matter greatly what is within your feeling.” –Guy W. Ballard

We are experiencing life, perceived only by Self.  Truth is in the eye of the beholder is a profound statement.  The descriptions of love, hate, joy, sadness, wealth, poverty will vary based on emotional interpretations of a person in a particular moment.   Tomorrow the definitions will be altered by an action, event, situation, and so forth.   

"When your mind starts telling you what you have to do to make everything okay, don't buy into what it's telling you. The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything. And that's the only time everything will be okay." -Michael A. Singer

I am grateful for the hardship of the past couple of years.  For me, it confirmed there is no right, there is no wrong, it just is.  Each of us has an important role and purpose.  It reaffirmed the power of our words – especially when the sentence begins with “I am”.  Everything we seek outside of ourselves is available to us – within our heart.  The fear of loneliness, fear of failure, fear of this, fear of that is imagined… it is only an illusion. 

There are choices.  Do you wish to follow the crowd (and their interpretation of how life is supposed to be)?  Do you independently take each footstep on your journey influenced only by Self’s desire?

Shifting Moments

There are a great number of individuals experiencing a shift in their life. A shift in how they feel. A shift in what they believe. A shift in what thoughts we consider true.

Fear is creating a false sense of isolation and uncertainty as relationships, jobs, life situations are changing. Our intuition continues to console us on this journey, while the ego (reinforced by the things we were taught) would have us believe otherwise. Emotions run high one moment, then drag ass the next.

We are in the process of transforming the beliefs at the core of our being from fear, guilt, darkness, lack into that which truly resonates with Self in its purest form ~ love. There is a peaceful solution; we feel it in our hearts. In the manner in which you are most comfortable (prayer, meditation, and so forth) ask for guidance and for this transformation to be gentle, peaceful and loving. Allow yourself to express all the emotions and resist the temptation to bury and ignore what hurts. Focus and explore various ways to experience Self-love, joy, peace, laughter, pride, and curiosity.

When the moment is right, you’ll decide, “I am content in life.” Soon, without realizing it, you’ll ease into claiming, “I love life.” Please understand this process can take as long as you want it too. The decision is yours. No one can say, “In two week, three days, 6 hours and 42 minutes you will have peace of mind.” It would be nice, but the schedule is based on ones desires in a particular moment. It is a choice.

I personally have found it’s difficult to be in a state of fear when I’m too busy giggling and enjoying the moment. A sense of humor has a tremendous impact in keeping the events of the day light and fun.

Revisiting the Bucket

Change provides a wonderful opportunity to explore a new way of being.  As heartbreaking as a change in our relationships can be; there seems to be a large shift taking place.  Whatever the situation, no matter who made the decision, understand life evolves.

When ready, and the decision to move forward is made, it’s time to focus on one’s personal journey.  One avenue is to dig out the Bucket List buried somewhere deep in a night stand, closet or maybe it’s between the sofa cushions.  If lost, then create a new list.  It’ easy to keep promising Self, “This summer I’m going to _____,” and easier not follow through.

Do we avoid these ideas because we are running from something or just running?  Is the internal battle loneliness?  Does the thought of doing something without a companion sends shivers of absolute terror into the core of your being?  If this is familiar, start small.  Do one thing alone and allow the adventure to unfold.  Remember to be gentle with Self, have fun, and follow your adventure.

Clear Mindfulness

What would happen if we changed the common phrases like ‘let it go’ and ‘release it’? What if we no longer tried to 'release' or 'let go' of our past experiences; instead simply allow ourselves to evolve from it. Imagine the inner-strength that could grow (evolve) when we utilize the things reminding us of love & joy, pain & suffering.

A perception to consider - if we ‘release’ or ‘let go’ of IT, then we might forget the journey to where we've been and may repeat the undesired experiences.

Bless the IT with love. If need be, forgive all involved (especially yourSelf). Allow change to happen. Move forward.

Truthfully, I don't want to forget IT, my intent is to evolve and follow the adventure with clear mindfulness.