Last Wednesday as we sat facing each other, he cut me off before I could complete my statement, "I'm an easy target for them because I won't fight back. I will not participate in their meanness; there's no reason for it. It's only meant to hurt people in a feeble attempt to feel better about themselves." I sighed, "(They've) cut me down to my core with their wicket words, manipulations and need to continue their nasty dramas. They destroyed my Self-image and now I'm rebuilding...""Why would you want to use the same bricks and 2x4's?" he interrupted. "It'll only collapse again. If it didn't work the first time..." he paused for a moment, "You have the opportunity to begin from the ground up. You have changed - evolved - and what once served you, no longer does. Do you really want to rebuild the old you?"
"Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, but nobody is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable. You are you, I am I. I have to contribute my potential to life; you have to contribute your potential to life. I have to discover my own being; you have to discover your own being." -Osho
On the night of December 25th, as I lay with my head on the pillow staring into the darkness of nightfall, I heard his voice again - reminding me. "You have the opportunity to begin from the ground up." The heartbreak I endured Christmas morning caused me to notice things about mySelf I was unaware of - habits, taught patterns, learned beliefs of Self.
As the event was occurring, guilt, rage, anger, self-demolishing thoughts filled my mind. For hours after the altercation, I remained in the destructive mode; tearing every shred of my being to smithereens. I'm not worthy.
"Oh my! Did I really think that?"
With that one sentence, I slammed on the brakes to stop the descent into the spiraling out of control vortex that consumed me. An awareness deeply rooted within my soul was forced out of the shadows. I gathered internal strength to build a new foundation - reaffirming the person I truly am. Blessing the situation for the awareness it brought forth, it was released with love and light. IT was let go without strings attached. In the silence of my still mind, I send love and gratitude to all that have shown me their perceptions of me. It is not mine to alter; there is nothing to fix. It is as it is. Everyone has the freewill to develop, maintain and nurture their beliefs of themselves and others. Someday they will see the real me. Until then, I cherish who I am.
I love you. I thank you. All is forgiven. Blessings to all.
