Valuing Self

I am not better than you; you are not better than I. We are as individual as we are meant to be and isn’t it wonderful.

Self-worth is a component often times altered by outside sources. For example, someone causes anguish about your hair color (weight, height, job status, intelligence, etc) and at first you ignore the claims thinking they’re just jealous. As the taunting continues you look in the mirror and begin to see what they are saying as truth when previously you saw only beauty. It’s hard to hear that there could be something wrong with us or not good enough or not perfect to their standards. The young innocent child in my head states with a stomp of her right foot and hands on her hips, “But why don’t they see me as I see myself?”

“The roles people play in our life can bring forth a variety of beliefs in Self.” – Cindy Kochis

For the sake of this moment you and I are sharing, imagine a life in which another person’s statements and actions towards you have no affect. Wait, if I believe my Inner Guidance and not the projection of what someone else want me to be… Huh. I truly believe people enter our lives to encourage us to acknowledge the truth we already possess within our Soul. In each of us there is love, beauty, peace, harmony and a Spirit eager to influence the world we walk upon.

Be kind to yourSelf. Treat yourSelf as you wish to be treated. We all crave to hear the words, “I love you,” “I think you’re beautiful.” “You are a wonderful friend and lover.” Begin to tell yourSelf the lines you deserve to hear by turning them into a personal mantra. I am in love with my Self. I see my beauty within and express it to others…” Affirmations can work miracles.

Please note – I do not know why it was so important to share this message today. The initial subject for this morning was literally pushed out of my mind so the words above could be composed. The intent of this channeled message is only to serve as a window for you to look through. If you need council, please seek a professional trained to assist you. Many blessings on your journey and know that you are not alone. You are loved by so many.

Hidden Pain

The phrase “let it go” has been on my mind lately. Not in the sense that I have to let go of something, but misconceptions of the three-word sentence. Let it go has evolved into a mantra we repeat in our determination to be happier people.

“Let go of the heartbreak and everything will be alright.”

“If only I could let go of what he did to me?”

“Why did this have to happen to me?”

All attempts to forget about the person’s actions and situations will not work. Why? Because a festering sliver always comes back to the surface. Think about all the stuff we mentally bury to avoid pain and frustration.

What I’ve learned over the years is the importance of blessing and acknowledging the emotional attachment to the person, place or thing and deciding what it is I truly desire for Self. Allowing myself to feel the joy, feel the pain, feel the emotion I am experiencing in that moment brings freedom. It also gives me the opportunity to view it from another perspective and determine my truth. It takes practice to let Self experience the true, unaltered emotions (moods). Forgiveness is a key element.

Our journey is not about exploring the why’s, it is about loving Self with compassion and without judgment. Does it really matter why you experienced the situation (health, love, change and etc)? Striving to be only joyful while ignoring feeling any pang of heartache will establish energy blocks just as fast as dwelling on sadness. The purpose in life is personal growth. Remember, challenges are our own way of moving us onto the next situation of exploration.

Our perception is the interpreter. Love Self and all involved. Forgive Self and all involved. Feel compassion towards Self and all involved. Live authentically…

Sign Says Work

When it comes to working on projects, we tend to use delay tactics as an excuse for creative inspiration. Or is it the time away how we conceive brilliant creations? I don't know. Right now I'd rather mow my landscape jungle down to kinda sorta resemble a lawn than edit the novel. Today I can use the excuse of doing it while the cool morning air hasn't been heated to what I consider searing temperatures. I'll refrain and cut the grass tomorrow. Maybe.

In the silence as I drove home last night, it dawned on me what I just told a writer friend was kinda sorta incorrect. I used the phrase “I'm editing” which really isn't accurate. Hackin' and whackin' is more like it. Whole chapters lobbed off the pages. Three of the nicest unnecessary characters I grew fond of will be missed dearly. A chance meeting won't take place... Huh.... A rather large crow (not a raven) just flew past the office window and is now hopping from tree limb to tree limb. Crows seemed to always be around when a dear friend and author wrote and did talks of her trilogy. Must be Elizabeth's way of telling me to quit babbling and get to work.

I Can Only Blame The Redhead

Doggone Time Devouring Vortexes! It makes me wonder how many dinners have been burnt, projects left incomplete with broken record statements like “I’ll do it in a minute” and loved ones feeling a bit unloved. The online vortexes suck me in and there is no one to blame but myself. Darn. Can’t blame the dog on this one, well, unless I can teach my twelve year old Siberian husky to turn on my computer, log on to the internet and open the social media web pages and email. Uh. That gives me an idea. Wonder if I have enough treats for her?

There is so much to do on the internet. One-sided conversations to read from fellow bloggers, posts from friends I haven’t seen in years and co-workers I spoke to yesterday, and answers to the endless list of questions. Since shopping is one of my least favorite things to do, those sites are left to the shopaholic friends.

To be more productive while sitting here working on the next bestselling novel, I need to establish time limits to internet access. Believe it or not, right now as I type this rant I have two computers and they are both turned on. The laptop is where I work (my composing tool) and the desktop is used as the online portal to the world. Sounds rather sad after putting it into words.

The productive side of me says, “Okay, Cynthia, time to get some work done and quit ranting about wasting time.” The Queen of Delay Tactics rooted deep within is attempting to overrule and entice me to hit F5 (internet refresh button) to see what’s new.

I’m going to take a few minute break and then begin to write the post I’d originally planned for today.

Break It Down To Define

My clean house can be accredited to delay tactics. Laundry, vacuumed floors, clean toilets, dust bunnies removed from the ceiling fan, organized shed and the list keeps on going. Embarrassing as it may be, I used to claim to be the Delay Tactic Queen. It’s not really a title I want to hold anymore and have found one much more suited to me ~ Giggling Goddess. I enjoy giggling a lot and occasionally finding myself doing it at things no one else finds funny.

Now that I’ve taken you on a short trip off the subject of delay tactics I suppose I need to refocus. Maybe being out of focus is the root cause, not laziness. Could it be as simple as not having a clear vision on the goal? There is so much I want to do and experience.

Here’s a phrase that helps me get clear and define goals: “Who, What, When, Where & How?” Sounds pretty simple and uncomplicated till you start to understand each component's significance. For fun, decide which goal or project you’d like to tackle first. With pencil in hand, write at the top of a blank sheet of paper your goal. I’ll choose “workshops” since this is a service I’ve recently decided to start offering.

Top of page ~ Workshops

• Who? I will facilitate the workshops
• What kind? Guided Group Meditations
• When? Need to set up a schedule
• Where? At area stores that offer classes of this nature

“How” is the break it down into bite size pieces so you can map it out word. When looking at the initial response, can you further answer the how question?

In the above sample, the Who is pretty much set, right? Not really. Who will attend is a key element that really cannot be left out. This can be broken down more so it’s time to add another word to the formula - “Why.” Below you can see how I started to add more elements.

Workshops

• Who? I will facilitate the workshops
• Who will attend?
• Why will they attend?
• What kind of workshop? Group Guided Meditations
• What is my intent?
• What kind of interaction will there be?
• What’s the time limit I set for individual sharing experience?
• How will I prepare?
• What do I bring with me?
• When? Need to set up schedule
• Who do I call?
• Where? At area stores that offer classes of this nature
• How much? $$

Keep asking the questions until it feels finished. Every time I do this I end up scratching off unwanted desires, drawing arrows to another part of the paper to complete a thought and thinking of one more item to add when I believed I was done. To help seal the goal's fate, I rewrite it on a clean sheet of paper. Hard to have a clear focus when there’s scribbled notes in your field of vision.

Have fun with this project. Be easy on yourself. There is no right or wrong way to do it. Heck you may come up with a very unique way that works miracles and you’ll be teaching us your technique.

Smell Binding Thoughts

OMG! LOL! WTHAIS? Huh? I’m an old fashion communicator. I would rather talk to the person in which I wish to speak to versus words reduced down to a few simple ‘clicks’ on a keyboard. Vast number of people have converted to chat room lingo that, augh, leaves me feeling ten steps off in left field. Don’t they realize less MIScommunication would happen if a person could hear the emotions reinforcing their full-length words?

Right now I’m dealing with a difference source of message interpretation issues. (sigh) Since about ten o’clock last night the smell of roasting coffee beans has been permeating my nostrils. Let me clearly state, I’m not a coffee drinker. Sure I inhale deeply when near fresh ground coffee, but it is not what roasting coffee beans smell like when they are being toasted. To me, it stinks worse than coffee burning on the bottom of a forgotten carafe. A waft of a particular fragrance can stir up certain memories. The aroma of cinnamon sweet rolls instantly reminds me of my mother and grandma’s fresh out of the oven homemade pieces of heaven dripping with hot caramel coating. The whiff of a certain brand of cigarette brings back memories of my first love. Baby power takes me back to a time when my sons were still in diapers. Oh… the memories. Oops, I’m wandering.

Is this my way of telling my Self life can stink so what are going to do about it? Am I being shown that I’m wasting my time in worry fretting and begging the phone to ring with the answers I seek? A subtle reminder to let loose the frustrations of yet another bad day at work instead of dwelling on it to the point a restful sleep is hopeless. Is this nasty smell my sign to rethink what’s important? Could this be the message? HA! I’m grateful it’s not the stench of foot odor telling me the importance of ‘walkin’ my talk.’

Deep in thought and contemplating the meaning of this Aroma Therapy I realize, “This is, in this very moment, how I am spending my precious time and energy.” I thrive in finding the joy in everything, even if I have to look under the sofa cushions and move a few dust bunnies out of the way behind the television. Perception, perception, perception. I’d rather be taking a long walk in the woods with my Siberian husky then consumed with doubt and the possible pending doom. The sound of birds singing high in the trees is more peaceful than the thoughts coated in ‘what if’s?’

“Experience is the toughest teacher because she gives the test first, and then the lesson.” -Unknown

Uh. I don’t smell the burning coffee beans anymore. I think the message was fully understood. Life may seem like it stinks at times, but where are we focusing our energy? What thoughts do you wish to fill your mind in this moment?

Have a great and magical day! (or HAGAMD! for those that understand the chat room lingo)

The Critic's at Lake Michigan

In the back of my mind, I hear the sweet voice tell me, “Relax, don’t over analyze.”

I’m to the point where I feel a book proposal is my next step along with the continued editing. The monkey-mind side of my thought process wants to see how others do it. You know, see how it’s supposed to be done. Oh my GOD! Did I really think that phrase? How it’s supposed to be done? Noooooo….

When the time comes to taking on a task it’s good to do some investigative work, but who says you have to follow the leader? Certainly not I! I’m the rebel-rouser that snickers in the face of “I am your leader, follow me” type personalities. Of course, my response is, “Ha! I don’t think so” or “Yeah, whatever. I’ll do it my way.” Take a leap of faith and do it your way (or in the context of this entry ~ my way). Follow your heart. There is no right way or wrong way. As long as you put forth the intent to acquire your desired outcome – you will.

A common suggestion unweathered writers will receive is to have fellow writers help with the writing/editing process by critiquing it. This is very helpful and the results can be priceless. Now that I can see the light at the end of this four-year journey, I’m adding my own twist by having two avid readers who visually consumes books like irresistible candy to make sure I don’t lose ‘em in the plot, the characters are realistic, and the novel is entertaining. I think this plan of action will work to my advantage.

As far as the book proposal, I need to put pen to paper and worry about the name of the person following the word Dear another day. For right now, I am enjoying the small leaps of faith as my internal critic is sipping on her ice cold glass of lemonade at the beach.

Stagnant Thought Mantra

Self-talk was the subject that came to mind this morning as I lay in bed easing from sleepy-state to somewhat awake. As I sat down to the computer all excited to have effortlessly come up with an idea for my Monday morning finger-tapping keyboard dance, I wrote the first sentence and immediately was wordless. Errt...to a complete thought-process stop. Huh? Dang-nab-it. For a little inspiration, I pulled this week's “Discover the Buddha” meditation card created by OSHO.

“Everything arises and passes away. When you see this, you are above sorrow. This is the shining way.” - OSHO

Today's meditation card communicates the necessity to accept change without clinging to our current situation. “Yes,” I thought, “this fits in with Self-talk.” What does harmful Self-talk center around? Fear. Why do we resist change? Fear. How do we maintain the feeling of being in a rut? Fear. I could keep going, but why? You get the point I'm making. What is fear – an illusion!

“By resisting the temptation to hold onto our current beliefs, we can move freely between moments.” - Cindy Kochis

Mind over matter is a powerful tool for it is the action of what we wish to perceive. We have the capabilities to make ourSelf healthy/sick, rich/poor, happy/sad through our thoughts, not reality. We use a great deal of energy to focus on these aspects. If we think we are sick, we become ill. If we believe we are destined to be poverty-stricken, prosperity will always feel out of reach. Whatever you believe will be true for you. We mentally repeat phrases like a personal mantra.
“I'm stupid.” versus “I'm brilliant.”
“Augh, do I have to go to work today? I hate going to work.” versus “I can't wait to get to the store and see how many people I can help today.”
“I have no friends.” versus “Wow, I feel so bless to be surround by such wonderful people.”
“I'm bored.” versus “Yes, now I have time to relax.”

I'll be the first to admit, I was one of those who felt that when times were good, I didn't want anything to change. But, who's to say the next moment would be anything less than fantastic? We establish our opinions of the situation based on desires and personal perception. What is good to one person could be horrific to another. For example: I would love to spend a week at a cabin in the middle of the woods surrounded by nature and wildlife. On the flip side, this kind of time away from home for a friend of mine living in a large city would absolutely terrify her and cause a great amount of anxiety.

Must we hold onto our stagnant thoughts and prevent our Self from accepting change?

It’ll Affect One’s Perspective

Gratitude can have a profound effect on your outlook today. How do you perceive this adventure we call life? I’m grateful I have a job. For some there is simply too much focus on workload stress, feeling unappreciated and undervalued, and the one co-worker that drives you nuts. Okay, let’s find something else. How about being grateful for the friends and family that are always there for you no matter the circumstances? Oh, did that bring up guilt instead or fear of showing weakness? Consider that a good thing. Now you know an area in your life you’d like to heal.

Feeling and expressing gratitude can bring you more into alignment with Self. It can be an instant mood lifter if you let it. Everyone interprets situations differently so there is no right or wrong way to explore this subject matter. Just try it. Even though the temptation to say, “I dare you,” is very strong I shall resist. Gratitude can help you to voice a positive perspective, show the value to your experience, and reaffirm the benefits of being you ~ the wonderful, beautiful, unique YOU.

For me, there is overpowering gratitude for my two sons. Watching them grow and mature into men has been my strength; the drive to keep me going and courage to seek a better life. My oldest son’s passionate curiosity to know how it works, dismantle and rebuild the object out of the sheer enjoyment. His younger brother possesses the skill to change a bad mood to light and lively with his wit and humor and all around goofiness. And, of course, my heart overflows every time they say, “Thanks Mom, I love you.”

What are you grateful for? Please share your thoughts; I would love to hear from you.

Dream Work Is Not Always Easy But Worth It

I was disappointed - downright upset - with the words neatly printed on the pages. I’m a better writer than that! I exclaimed internally.

It was close to midnight, there I was lying in bed editing the novel I’ve been developing. Something deep within raged and in a burst of raw energy I tossed it into the burn bin in my office. I turned on my computer and posted on a social media site the following statement, “just tossed my 61-chapters of rough draft into the burn pile and is seriously contemplating hitting the delete key on my novel. I give up…”

Never did I expect the response I received from friends and colleagues. I knew I’d get flack, but I didn’t care (at that fleeting moment). Mostly they stated, “Don’t do it.” “Don’t give up.” One of my responses to my newly formed cheerleading squad was, “Thanks guys… that’s the problem, I keep setting it down thinking by some miracle it’ll bet better or I’ll be more inspired ~ I’ve set a time to write daily and life got in the way ~ read the How I Did It & Survived books hoping for encouragement and answers as to my delay tactics. It’s been four years since I started this novel…” Only two people told me, “Good for you. Now you can move onto something else.” Sounded great at the moment until I realized that I wanted to finish this book I started writing.

I will finish writing THIS novel, dog-nab-it.

Several weeks later, after letting the internal stew simmer from a boil, I pulled the novel out of the trash. I didn’t open the draft I spent precious time writing, printing and binding. Nope. Instead it followed me from room to room and even rode with me to work a time or two. Near the closing of the month of April, with great joy, I posted on the media site the great news to my cheerleading squad, “…A few minutes ago it (my novel) looked up at me with sad, brown puppy-dog eyes. I opened my banished novel and have started to edit it again. Like a long lost love, it feels good to hold the book again.” I could hear crowd cheer.

So that was in April; it’s May 12th and a lot has changed. I’ve slashed and hacked sentences, paragraphs and rid of chapters that no longer served the book in an entertaining way. I’ve back pedaled and reconstructed the storyline to remove the sludge from the reader’s eye sight. On May 8th, I posted, “Edited chapter 5, changed 6 to 7 and 7 to 6, took a hunk from 6 and morphed into a spot in 8… Half of 9 was missing in action and had to finish a second portion so it would make some sense. 10 only needed a little trimming and 11 went on a diet and lost a page. 12 is gone and now I move onto chapter 13. Ah… what a wonderful day in my world.”

For fun, I asked the cheerleaders, “Okay, if you were sitting down in a cafe about to eat a bowl of soup, what kind would it be?...What would Sarah, your waitress, bring you?” The response was great. I love my cheerleaders. The support I’ve received from them has stirred up, boasted and raised my creative energy to new heights. Dream work isn’t always easy, but well work the effort ~ especially when you have a cheerleading squad as wonderful as mine. Thank you all.

Worlds – Words & Vice Versa

It’s been drivin’ me crazy. I’ve been subconsciously telling myself to pay attention. And I wasn’t listening. For the past six weeks, anytime I wrote the word “word”, I added an “L”. Yep, you got it. All my “words” became “worlds” (and it continues as I type this entry). Of course, I would laugh at the irony until it became obnoxious and was having to delete the extra letter. A few times I skimmed over it completely seeing “word” instead of “world.” When you think about it, our “words” express our feelings, communicate beliefs and puts forth for all to view our individual “world.”

“There is no separation between our words and perceived worlds for we communicate what we believe to be our truth.” –Cindy Kochis

To be honest, I had another subject outlined for today’s blog entry, however as I typed the title “Power of Worlds” the sign was unbearably clear. The metaphoric 2 x4 got me again. So let’s see if I can mesh the two subjects together and form something that’ll make a little sense. Now that I’m somewhere near the middle, let me begin my original idea.

What if I were to tell you your main purpose in life is to be happy. Would you do all you could to seek happiness or wait till you were in a better mood? What if I were to tell you your purpose in life is to be a farmer and raise Angus beef and grow strawberries. Would you quit your job, move out to the country, plant strawberries by the hundreds and build a barn for your cattle? Sound ridiculous? We ask others, without realizing it, “what do you think I should do?” instead of looking inward and asking Self for the answer. Oh, I’ll admit I was just as guilty as the next person because I didn’t want to take the responsibility for my own happiness. It is, after all, easier to blame others for bad advice when things don’t work out the way we’d hoped.

Digging and searching for inspiration, wise words to live by and find the reasoning behind why do we seek the answers outside of ourselves when we already intuitively know them? A common phrase I came across often was, “what do ‘I’ believe?” Whoa - that puts a new spin on the old way of thinking.

It is “I” that defines YOU. Think about it, that simple one-letter word is the most powerful word in the English dictionary. It is Self – as the individual. When you place the singular letter word in a sentence you are distinguishing your world from others.

“I am beautiful.” “I look like crap today.”

“I am able to pay all my bills this month.” “I have no money.”

“I’m going to climb to the top of the mountain.” “I have no ambition.”

“I love my life.” “I hate what he did to me.”

As a gift to you, I’ve added a widget on the sidebar titled Free Worksheets. Download Power of Words and see if this worksheet can assist you on your journey of personal growth. There is power in our words. How do you perceive your world?

Yet to Uncover

“You are a very strong woman, extremely intelligent and gifted in so many ways You have yet to uncover.”
–Cindy Kochis

These words were expressed earlier this week to a very close friend of mine that’s hit a sand trap on her journey. The more I thought about the line I composed the more I realized it fits my situation – anyone’s at some point in time. We are yet to uncover wondrous things about ourselves that we never would have thought possible.

One of the key elements is to be easy, gentle, on our Self. Find ways to turn not-so-good thoughts to be compassionate and loving. By taking time each time to relax and giggle, and explore things that will help you feel good. There is so much we can do for ourSelf, the options are endless: take a walk, learn to paint, go to the museum, learn to play golf, pamper your Self with a massage…

One idea I like to utilize is a Wish-To-Do-List; otherwise termed as a Bucket List. Take a piece of paper and make a list of things you’d like to do, learn, and so forth. Remember, the sky is the limit. List everything no matter how outrageous you may think they are today. Are there things on the list you’d like to do in the next three months, year, five years? Set your goals and leave it out where you’ll see it. Allow it to serve as a reminder. If you hear or read about something that stirs up curiosity, add it to the list. When doubt rears its ugly head, don’t dismiss it. There will be days when you say, ‘this is lame’ or ‘what’s the point’… and that’s okay. Explore why you feel that way and then tell your Self, “This is important me because I want to ________________.” Move forward by altering your perspective to help you see the “positives.” Gift your Self a pep talk. After all, you deserve to have fun, learn and experience new things. There is a world out there waiting for you to uncover.

“Look to the past only to review the lessons, not to relive them.”
–Cindy Kochis

Subtle Reminders

Inspiration blossoms in beautiful ways. Watching a young child play reminds us to fill our days with more fun and excitement. Witnessing the kindness of the man assisting another person pick up the items that where only seconds ago being carried offers an example of compassion. The elderly couple holding hands as they sit on the park bench reinforces how love can grow stronger over time.

The ideas for each blog post come from observation - things I encounter each day. Listening to a mother talk about her teenage children, a young woman facing divorce, the man who finds it difficult to be lonely, and sometimes the posts are developed based on an experience I have gone through. It is when you set the intention of doing whatever it is you do for the highest good for all with harm to none, life will be more harmonious and peaceful. We possess the ability to make our own choices. There is no wrong way, there is no right way to do anything. The key element to living the life you wish to have is to stop the blame-game and take responsibility for the situation you've put yourself. This life you are living is your own creation.

The more I come to understand this concept, the less I like some of the decisions I've made. It is through these experiences I'm seeing the value in the statement “Live in the moment.” By living in the moment, from the point of Self-love, your actions are not driven by what someone did to you six years ago, what a lover told you once, how your parents raised you – oh, the list could on for miles. If the emotion you feel is painful, or offered a less than desirable way to value yourself, honor it as a lesson. Don't hold it internally and file it into your memory bank under “Description of Self.” Look at their opinion as that – an opinion. It is a projection from their personal experience. It is not necessarily yours to claim. You decide – TRUE or FALSE. Again I state, “This life you are living is your own creation.”

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.”
-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Want more love in your life – be more loving.

Want more drama in your life – be dramatic.

Want more peace – be peaceful.

What do you want to create for yourSelf?